Ratchet meets Family Matters
by BlakeyBoy
Summary: Ratchet and Clank get more than they bargained for when a Rift Inducer caused accident leads them to another world and they're only way of getting home is to befriend an annoying, smart boy, named Steve Urkel. Possibly one of the strangest crossovers ever
1. The Accident

Ratchet meets Family Matters

Don't read if you have never watched Family Matters or you lack a sense of humor.

Ratchet was fixing a small bug in his Rift Inducer while Clank stood next to him. "Ratchet, may I suggest pressing this button?" he asked. "Clank, I think I know what I'm...WHOOPS!" he said, pressing the trigger. A small black hole came in front of them and Ratchet began to slide forwards. "Clank, maybe I should've listened to you." he said, being sucked into the hole. "Ratchet!" Clank said, jumping into the hole after him. THUD! Ratchet hit a wooden floor. He stood up to examine his surroundings. He was in a small house with an upstairs. It seemed to be very, very, low tech.

"Clank, where are we?" Ratchet asked. "Ratchet, my sonars can't pick anything up. But judging by how low-tech this room is, I don't think we're on the Pheonix." he said. "You're Rift Inducer sent us to another realm." he said. Ratchet looked around. This house seemed old, well, old for Ratchet's time. Just then, the front door burst open and a black teenager walked in. He looked very nerdy. "Hiedy ho, Wins...whoa!" he said, looking at Ratchet. "What are you staring at?" Ratchet yelled at him.

"You." he said. "What are you?" he asked. "A lombax. You, besides a geek?" he asked. Just then a burst of laughter came from all places around them. "Clank, did you hear that?" he asked. "What, Ratchet?" "Ok, he didn't hear that...so..." he was cut off by the boy. "CARL!" he screamed. Ratchet heard a sigh from upstairs. "Get out of here, Steve!" it yelled. "But Carl, there's something in your house you might want to see!" he screamed. "Clank, we have to hide!" he yelled, diving into the kitchen. A hefty man walked down the stairs, irritated. "What, Steve?" he asked. "Carl, you won't believe this. There's this giant cat creature in your kitchen!" he screamed. "Steve, there's..." he was cut off by Ratchet. "Cat my..." he was cut off by Clank hitting him. "Umm...I mean...meow?" he said, unconvincingly. A burst of laughter came all around Ratchet. "Will you people shut up. It wasn't that funny!" he screamed. The crowd stopped.

"Steve, what's back there?" he asked. "I dunno, Carl, but I think we should tell Laura." he said. "Oh, so now there's a girl." Ratchet blurted out. "Steve, I'm going in." he said, pulling a pistol from a guncase. He walked towards the kitchen, then ran in. "FREEZE!" he yelled. He saw the lombax and the robot with their hands in the air. "You are very sleepy, so sleepy, you are dreaming now. Go back to the annoying boy while we escape through the back door." he said.

"Nice try." he said, walking over and picking them up. He carried them into the living room. "Steve, go get Harriet and Laura." he said. "Ok, Urkel out." he said. "Wait...Urkel...I've seen you somewhere before...Steve Urkel...Steve Urkel...Aha! Steve Urkel! You were on that holo-vid show from the 90's." Ratchet said.

"What?" he asked. "I'll explain it if you can get your friend off me." he said.

(Please review and tell me if you liked it.)


	2. Ratchet Makes a Deal he may Regret

Thanks for the review and the favorites and other stuff. R&R

..."And so that's how it happened." Ratchet told Steve. He had just finished telling his tale. "Wow, so I'm on tv...I wonder if we're on it right now..." He was cut off. "Please, your smart enough, you have to help me get back home." he said. "Ok, ok, you say this was caused by something called a...Rift Inducer?" he asked. "Yeah, my Rift Inducer shot a hole in space and we ended up here." he said. "Ok, but what's in it for me?" Steve asked. "Whatever you want, just get me back home!" he said. "Alright, I'll take you home if you'll be my science project at school tommorow, and if I can show you to Laura." he said.

"What? No way, I'm not your science project." he said. "Well, it's either that, or your stuck here forever!" he said. "Well, seeing as I've been here 10 minutes, and I already can't stand you, deal." he said. "Alrighty then." Steve said. "But first...LAURA!" he screamed. A girl walked down the stairs. "Steve, le...what's that?" she asked, pointing at Ratchet. "Yeah, Steve, what's that?" he mocked. "Well, I see it's got a mouth." she said.

Ratchet growled. "Listen, I..." he was cut off by Steve. "Hello, my lady." he said with a stupid smile. "Oh brother..." Ratchet managed to say out loud. A burst of laughter came from all around. "There! Clank, did you hear that laughing?" he asked. "What laughing, Ratchet?" he asked. "How can you not here that?" he asked. "Laura this is Ratchet." she said. Ratchet raised his hand without a smile. "Hey..." was all he could mutter.

"Steve, why is...Ratchet...in my house?" she asked, a little bit confused. "Oh Laura, it's a long story, so why don't you sit here next to me and..." Ratchet cut him off. "If you want me to help you, you'd better shut it, loverboy." he said. Laura smiled. "I like this guy's attitude." she said. Laughter came all around them. Ratchet just growled at it.

"Steve, there's one condition if I come with you to school, are there any..." Ratchet was deep in thought for a second. "...let me just ask...are you bullied a lot?" he asked. "Well..." He was cut off. "Oh great..."

(Did you like this chapter? Review, please.)


	3. Stupid Boy! Don't mess with Ratchet

Thanks for reviews. R&R. PS, this is short, because it's just a fight on the way to school.

Ratchet had just left for school with Steve. "Steve, do /I have to wear the 'Science Project' sign over my chest?" he asked. "It's either that or you're stuck here forever. "Ughhh..." was all Ratchet could mutter. "So, what are you gonna do with me when we get there?" Ratchet asked. "Well, I'll show you to the class as one of my inventions, and they will be impressed by how organic looking my 'robot', that's you, looks, because you are one." he said. "Ok, how stupid is your class?" he asked.

"Well...uh-oh...it's the Dragons." Steve said, pointing to a group of gangsters. "You know those guys?" Ratchet asked. "Yeah, I worked undercover and got them sent to prison. Ratchet swallowed hard. "And, I suppose they hold a grudge, right?" he asked. "Well, yes, but..." he was cut off. "Hey, look, it's Urkel. And he built himself a girlfriend cause he couldn't find his own!" one laughed. The crowd began to giggle. Ratchet growled. "Urkel, go, now." he said, pushing him.

"I'm not gonna beat up a stupid teenager just because of his mouth. "Oh, I see. The Long-Ear-Queer thinks he can beat me." he said. Ratchet stopped pushing Urkel and turned to the boy. "You just said the wrong thing." he said, tackling him and tightening his wrench around the boy's neck. "Now, listen here, and listen good, I've dealt with guys like you, and I don't like 'em, don't like 'em a bit. Now you have a choice. Don't say it again, and live normally, or say it again, and become part of the pavement! Your choice!" he said.

The boy was stupid to mess with Ratchet, for he had underestimated him. Ratchet let the boy up, and he was silent. The crowd began to clap and cheer. "Now that's more like it!" he thought.

(Did you laugh at any joke in this? Please review.)


	4. Exchange Student

You're right. It will fall apart. Ok R&R.

"What you did back there...how?" Steve asked. "Let's just say my life's been rough." he said. "Alright, but you can't do that in school, you know." Steve said. "If they say anything to me, I'll kill them." Ratchet said. The laughing started. "Seriously." Ratchet said. They stopped. They came around the corner and saw the school. Suddenly, Ratchet began to sweat. "What is it?" Steve asked. "I got this way from being bullied, but...ugh...let's just get this over with." he said.

They walked through the first door and everyone started to giggle. He gripped his wrench. Someone started to open their mouth when Ratchet stopped them. "Wanna spend the rest of you life as part of the ground. His smile faded and he shut his mouth. The laughter started. Ratchet looked towards the source, but saw nothing. They walked towards his first class. He walked in. Steve whispered to Ratchet. "Since this isn't Science, you'll have to act as a student." he whispered. Ratchet sighed and tucked his ears back. "Good!" Steve said.

"Alright clas...Steve, who's your friend?" the teacher asked. "He's...an exchange student, from France, he doesn't speak much. Ratchet nodded. The laughter began again. By now, Ratchet was ignoring it. He sat down in the chair next to Steve and the teacher gave him a test. The class began, except for Ratchet. "Steve, what do you put here?" Ratchet asked. "Ratchet, that would be your name." Steve said. The laufghing started yet again. Ratchet pulled Clank off of his back. "Okay, Clank, do your stuff!" he said. He heard him mutter something under his breath, but couldn't hear it.

He filled out the test and Ratchet handed it in. "Mr..." Ratchet cut him off. "Ratchet." he said proudly. "Ratchet, your...Ratchet doesn't seem like a French name." he said. Ratchet's eyes darted around, trying to think of something to say. "Si?" he said with a cheesy smile. "That's Spanish." the teacher told him. "Run away!" he said, running out the door. He was caught by a teenager outside the door. "Hey, look, Long-Ear-Queer's back. I wanted to get Urkel, but you're okay, too." he said. "Ratchet had heard this voice before. In fact, it hadn't been over 30 minutes ago.

He reached for his wrench, but the boy caught his hand. "Let me see that wrench, and then go back to your little boyfriend. Hey wait, you're not that guy who had the wrench earlier, he had long ears." he said. "No, I..." he was stopped. "His ear itched. He reached back to scratch it, but accidently made it come up, allowing the boy to see it. Ratchet gave him a cheesy smile. "Hey..." he said not losing his grin. "Oh great..." he thought.

(Did you like it? Please review.)


	5. Uh Oh

Thanks for reviewing, sorry it took forever for this chap. to be up. R&R

The boy reached into his pocket. Ratchet acted quickly and sunk his teeth into the boy's arm. He cried out in pain as Ratchet fell to the floor. Ratchet turned on his Gravity Boots and flew through the hall at amazing speed. Suddenly, Steve ran out of the classroom, screaming to Ratchet. Ratchet stopped, as he saw the gangster pick Steve up. Ratchet quickly pulled out a Dual Raptor and pointed it at the boy. "Let him go." he said. The boy raised an eyebrow, then pulled a pocketknife from his pocket. He held it to Steve's neck. "No." he said. Suspensful music began to play as Ratchet gave him a glare.

"I'll shoot." he said. "I'm so scared!" he mocked. Ratchet's eye began to twitch. He used his Grvity Boots to come up to the boy. The gangster smiled and grabbed Ratchet by the scruff of his neck and dropped Steve. He moved the knife to Ratchet's neck. "Listen, I'm not afraid to slit your little furry neck, and if you think I'm kidding, you can kiss my..." The smart mouth teenager was stopped as Ratchet blew a hole through his stomach. Suddenly, the teacher burst through the door. "What's going on!?" he screamed. Ratchet's glare of anger turned to one of hsppiness.

"Oh, I just had to put a stupid teenager down. He was...rabid." Ratchet said. The suspensful music was replaced by an armada of boos. Ratchet's smile turned to a frown. "You killed that boy!?" he screamed. "He put a knife to my throat. What was I supposed to do? Let him slit me?!" he screamed, walking off. Then, the teacher ran to the nearest phone to call the authorities. "Go ahead, call the authorities. There hasn't been a prison built that could hold me." Ratchet said, walking off. Steve stopped the teacher right before he could call. "Hey, I know what he did was wrong, but what would you have done?" he asked.

"Steve, I" he was cut off. "He hld a knife to Ratchet's throat, he was going to kill him." Steve protested. "Steve, listen..." he was yet again cut off. "I have one last thing to say. So hold your horses. If you had the choice to live or to die, which would you choose? That boy would've killed us both if Ratchet hadn't him first." was what Steve said. "Now, call the police. Call the Navy, I don't care. But remember this. Those boys are bad, and if Ratchet hadn't stopped him, he could've gotten you next." Steve said, walking out the door.

Sad music began to play as Steve left the room and the class was in shock. The teacher let go of the phone, wondering about what Steve had said. "Steve's right, but I still need to call the police. That boy's parents will wonder where he's at. Suspensful music overcame the sad music as he dialed the number. Ratchet was in trouble.

(Was this good? Review, please.)


	6. Ratchet's a Bad Boy

Thanks for the reviews and favorites. R&R

Ratchet walked out the door into the parking lot and began to walk towards the Wimslow's house. Maybe they could help him. He walked along the sidewalk and finally got to the Winslow's. He walked into their house without knocking and sat on the couch, not knowing Carl was sleeping there. He sat, and unluckily, his Pyrociter went off. Carl screamed and pushed Ratchet off, which made the laughter start. "Why did you do this!" he screamed, jumping into the fishtank. "Sorry!" he screamed. "Ahh..." he said, getting more calm.

"Wait, we don't have fish." he said looking at what he had jumped in. "Oh no! I ruined Eddie's new pool he was building!" he cried. The laughter started again. Just then, Eddie walked in. "Hey, da...MY GOD! YOU RUINED MY POOL!" he screamed, pointing at Carl. Carl gave Ratchet a glare. "Umm...Look! Steve's hitting on Laura! Aren't you gonna kill him?" he asked. Carl sarcastically turned, and Ratchet ran. The laughter began. "Shut up! Your giving away way I'm hiding!" he screamed from down the street. Suddenly, he bumped into Steve.

Ratchet head spun, then he shook it. "You!" he screamed at Steve. "What?" he asked, backing up. "This is your fault!" he screamed. Suddenly, a policecar pulled up. Ratchet through a Dual Raptor at Steve. "He did it!" he screamed. "Yeah, I got a report on a fuzzy eared kid, about 5 feet tall, who shot a kid at the school?" he asked, giving him a glare. Ratchet opened his mouth, but no words came out. Ratchet's mouth shut, and his ears started to droop. As Ratchet began to walk towards the car, he noticed a camera. "Hey, what's the camera for?" Ratchet asked.

"Oh, we're filming Cops...wait, that's besides the point!" he yelled at Ratchet. "Cops? Cops..." he pondered this. "Hey, camera man, get this!" he screamed, kicking the policeman in the crotch. He yelled in pain as the laughter burst out and Ratchet ran. The cop ran after Ratchet as the camera man stopped at Steve. "So...are we on tv?" Steve asked with a goofy smile.

'Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when they come for you?'

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	7. Run, Steve, Run!

Thanks for all your reviews. This is the second to last chapter. R&R

Ratchet ran down a dark corridor with the cop and Steve behind him. "Steve!" he screamed. "Yeah?" he yelled back. "Is their anything you have I can use to get home?" he asked, grabbing his wrench onto a pole. He began to climb. "Yeah, I have a time machine. And a teleportation pad." he said. "Cool, now, could you bring them here, now!" he said as the laughter begen. "I've got you!" the cop said, pulling out a taser. "Oh crap...A-A-A-A-G-G-G-H-H-H!!" he screamed, falling to the ground as the laughter started. The officer picked Ratchet up and held him towards the camera. "That is why I joined the force!" he said, pushing Ratchet in the car.

Steve was running home to get his things. He came around the corner and saw his home in the distance. He ran down the street, but was tripped by someone. Just then, a gangster picked Urkel up. "You! You and Long-Ear Queer killed our homeboy!" he screamed. "I don't have time for this, now, let me go!" he yelled. "No, I think I'll..." he was cut off by Steve punching him in the nose. He dropped Steve as the crowd cheeredd in awe. Steve stared in amazement at his fist, then quickly ran towards his house. The gangsters followed, screaming various words not fit for children to here. He ran and finally got to his house and opened the door. He slammed the door and locked it, collapsing from excitement. "I punched him!" he said excitedly.

"Wait...I punched him!!" he screamed. "This is bad!" he said, going downstairs. He quickly gathered his things and burst out the back door. He ran through the streets as fast as he could, knowing the gangsters were close behind. He looked back and saw them in a car! "Run, Forrest, run! Your gonna need to!" they screamed. The laughter started as he increased his speed. Just then, he looked back, and feared what he saw.

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	8. Traitor

Thanks for all the reviews! This is the final chapter!! R&R

...A SHOTGUN! "OH MY GOD! They've got a gun!" Steve screamed as the crowd started to yell bad Calm down, Ratchet's right around the corner and...where'd he go?" he asked while the laughter started. "...Police Station!" he said, running things. "Once I catch you, you're DEAD! Urkel!" one screamed. "in the direction of the police station. He ran through an alleyway to where the teenagers couldn't get him. The teenagers screamed a few words that shouldn't be said and got out. "I'll kill you, Urkel!" one screamed as he ran towards him.

Steve looked back, and continued to run. "'Scuse me!" he yelled, running through a bunch of people. The teenagers ran through, but were caught by the biggest one. "Hey, little man. You aint chasing Urkel, are ya'?" he asked. The boy scanned him over, then gave a good punch to the face. He dropped him as the laughter began. "After that gangster!" the one that had been punched yelled. The game of cat and mouse was...er...dog, cat, and mouse was on, and poor Steve was the mouse. Steve came around the corner carrying the devices as he screamed for help.

"Help! Anyone! Which way is the police station?!" he screamed. One person pointed as Steve ran in that direction. "I gave him the wrong way. He's headin' to Canada." the mean man whispered to another man as the laughter started. "I heard that!" Steve said, turning around as the laughter got louder. He heard a car behind him, and since he was in the middle of the road, he got scared. He turned just in time for the police car to stop. Steve gulped. "What are you doing in the road, boy. I ought to...wait...haven't we met?" he asked. Someone in the back of the car noticed Steve. It was Ratchet.

He saw him getting angry and read his lips to say, "smurgleo bfrqwkje njwk" Let's just say, Steve can't read lips. "You wanna what?" he asked out loud as the laughter burst out. "Wait...you know that guy. You were the guy with him!" he yelled, reaching for Pepper Spray. Steve thought for a second. "I surrender!" he screamed, hiding a small smile. "What?" the policeman asked with the Pepper Spray ready. "I said I surrender." Steve told him. "Awe c'mon! Can't I Pepper Spray you once?" he asked as the laughter started again. "NO!" Steve yelled.

"Ok..." the cop said, placing him in the car. He was sat next to Ratchet who was handcuffed. "Why didn't you put up a fight!?" Ratchet asked. "Gangsters were chasing me, and I've got my stuff." he said. Steve quickly grabbed the keys and unlocked the handcuffs. "Here! Use it. Now!" Steve said. "Adios. Somehow, I think I'll miss you." Ratchet said. "Really?" Steve asked. "Nope! See ya, convict! Maybe I'll visit you sometime!" Ratchet said, typing in coordinates as the laughter started. "Convict?" Steve asked as Ratchet left.

"Wait! Ratchet!" he yelled, but no one was there to give him a smart remark. "I...I thought you were my friend." he said as sad music began to play and the cop grabbed Steve. "You've just let a criminal go. Your looking at 20 years in Federal prison! What do have to say for yourself, son?" he asked, angrily. "Yes, I do. Why did I ever think that boy was my friend. He was using me. Well, take me to prison. I deserve it for not being smart enough to notice that. Take me away, officer." was all Steve could say. The officer shook his head as he started the car. Then, they were off. To start Steve's career as a convict.

The End?


	9. The lost Chapter

HA! This wasn't the end. please review.

Ratchet and Clank fell to the floor of the Pheonix. Ratchet heaved a heavy sigh. "Well, we're home!" Ratchet said heroically. Clank said nothing and looked at the ground. "What are you pouting about?" he asked. "Ratchet... It wasn't his fault. He actually thought you were his friend, but you betrayed him. Now he's off in prison somewhere. That wasn't heroic, Ratchet. That was selfish and self-centered. He went against everything he knew to help you. And what did you do in return? You let him spend the rest of his life rotting in some blood-stained cell." Clank said, walking off. Ratchet's smile faded, and he thought deeply about what Clank had just told him. "Clank, wait!" he said. Clank turned.

Ratchet sighed before he said anything. "That boy's in trouble because of me. So...we've got someone to help. "Clank's frown turned to a smile as Ratchet began to type in the coordinates. Ratchet and Clank began their journey back to the 90's. They were transported to a police station, and Ratchet quickly hid from view. Ratchet pulled out his decoy gun. "Clank, walk in, and..." Clank cut Ratchet off. "Ratchet, I know how to make a convincing lie, after all, I'm a robot, so you can't tell sarcasm or lie in my voice." Clank convincingly said.

"I trust you." Ratchet told him. Clank walked towards the officer and saw he was sleeping. "Excuse me, kind sir. I've captured the criminal." he said as Ratchet fired a decoy. Steve had come up to the bars of his cell, remembering Clank's voice. "Huh.." the officer said, disorientated. "I've captured the real criminal, and would like you to release Steve Urkel." he said. "Hey! There's the guy! I'll let uh...Urkel, go if you turn him in." the officer said. "That's what I...alright, then." he said as the laughter started. Steve was taken from the cell as the dummy replaced him.

Steve walked around the bend and hugged Ratchet. "Ok...ok...OKAY!" he yelled as the laughter burst out. "You came back!" Steve said. "It was the heroic thing." he said. "Cough...cough...guilt...cough cough...trip." Clank fake coughed as the laughter continued. "For a robot, you're pretty annoying." Ratchet said, irritated. "Well, we better get going. See ya later...in the future...just see ya." Ratchet said, grabbing his Rift Inducer. "Bye...wait...if I had my Rift Inducer this whole time, then...I'm such an idiot!" Ratchet said, teleporting home. "Goodbye, Steve." Clank said, following Ratchet. "I'll never forget you!" he said.

"Hey! That thing's a dummy!" the policeman screamed. "Uh oh..." steve whispered to himself, running away.

And that's the tale of how Ratchet met Family Matters. Please review this story.


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